Dear Mother Nature

(or whomever handles fertility)...

Let's just get this over with. I've had cramps on and off for three days now. My period is due on Friday and I'd rather not drag this out any longer.

I'm 90 percent sure that I'm not pregnant but I don't need the false hope over the next few days. I'd prefer to know for sure instead of anxiously watching pregnancy tests and playing peek-a-boo with my toilet paper looking for spotting. I can't take the stress and the hormone shots have made me emotional anyway.

Just please make it an obvious period instead of starting with a few hours of spotting, which I'll misinterpret as implantation.

Oh and by the way, if I'm wrong and am pregnant, please disregard.